How to survive Valentine’s Day when you are sad

Many years ago in February, I was having lunch with a friend and I was dealt a devastating blow.

As I ordered a club sandwich, I caught him staring at me in shock. “So, I have news,” he said in a hesitant voice. There was a suspiciously painful stance.

“Oh God,” I said. My heart was beating so fast I thought it might jump out of my chest. He put his head in his hands as he prepared to tell me these stories. Just tell me, for the love of god, I thought to myself.

“It’s about Glen,” she said.

“Okay,” I said, nervously. This was the man I had been seeing coming and going for the past nine months. A friend with benefits that I mistakenly held onto. Not that I would have agreed at the time.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” I guessed in an attempt to put myself out of my misery.

“That’s not all,” said my friend.

There was more. “They have a baby,” she said. Suddenly the restaurant heard an unbearable noise. A wave of heat passed through my body and a strange lump appeared in my chest, my sandwich arrived. I stared at it and tried my best not to blow it.

It was three days before Valentine’s Day and I wanted nothing more than to stand still. “Valentine’s Day could be messed up,” I said the next day to my friend Michelle as I ran to the press and cried at the same time. An act of human nature, you might say.

I wanted to collect all the silk roses, all the cheese cards, all the big teddy bears and throw them into the big fire. Everywhere I turned felt like an endless onslaught of love, romance and relationships. Each of them was a reminder of the pain of rejection I felt. I wanted to pretend Valentine’s Day didn’t exist, but I didn’t know how.

There is a scene in between Bridget Jones’s Diary where she finds out that Daniel Cleaver has a secret fiancée the whole time they’ve been together, and she has to go to work and pretend nothing happened. He stared blankly at his computer, tears welling up in his eyes. At my job in the theater press office, I spent a week wiping away tears as they flowed from my eyes.

On Valentine’s Day, a friend of mine at work left a card on my desk. It was an act of kindness that made me feel loved. But later, on Instagram, I saw a Valentine’s Day card that Glen gave his girlfriend. There was an image of a green olive next to the line “Olive You.” Ugh, they’re in the pun phase of their romance. It was the longest Feb. 14 that I have ever lived in.

“Being in love is not a sign of success. Most people in relationships are unhappy. Be proud of being single.”

Over the next few years, that cursed day came and went. Years ago, I had a broken heart from another bad dating experience. Dear friends continue to make sweet gestures (my best friend left a red rose on my table one year). The truth is, Valentine’s Day is just another day if you’re not in the mood for romantic bliss. So, why not treat it like it is: one day in February.

I refuse to spend another Valentine’s Day crying over a bad olive pun. If you’re nursing bits of a broken heart and listening to 1975’s “Somebody Else” on repeat, don’t be sad come Feb. 14. Here are some tried and tested techniques to put two fingers on V Day.

Celebrate other kinds of love

Psychologist Dr. Tony Ortega suggests reorganizing the day “from a day of romantic love to a day to celebrate any kind of love, like we did when we were children.”

“If you want to celebrate love but you don’t have romantic love, grab your friends and do something unusual to celebrate your friendship,” said Ortega. “This could take the form of a scavenger hunt or perhaps a facility that serves both alcohol but has entertainment such as games or a drag show.” If you don’t like going out, you can be a FaceTime friend who lives far away and get a long wait.

“Being in love is not a sign of success. Most people in relationships are unhappy. Be proud of being single.”

Look at your grief as a gift

It’s really hard when you’re dealing with the emotional turmoil of a post-breakup, but try to step back and see the bigger picture. Whether the relationship was short-term, long-term, status, FWB — there was a reason why it ended. Reframe romantic rejection as a positive thing that gets you back on track, and prevents you from going too far down the wrong road. It is a blessing to prepare your route. It’s better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship with someone who doesn’t match your strengths or feel the same way. Your future self will look back and thank you.

Banish all negative thoughts

Sex and relationship expert Silva Neves recommends blocking negative thoughts you have about yourself. “Being in a relationship is not a sign of success, most people in relationships are not happy. Be proud of being single,” said Neves.

“Every time you have a negative thought about yourself, take a deep breath and say something positive instead. You will find that you have many positive qualities.” Make a list of everything you like about yourself, if you like.

Do yourself a favor

The longest relationship of your life with you. So, why not spoil yourself? Buy yourself the dress you’ve been eyeing for weeks. Make yourself a delicious meal. Go get a manicure. Have fun with a new sex toy.

Ignore the hype

Valentine’s Day is any other day. So why not treat it like that? Since it’s going to be Friday this year, stick to your usual Friday routine – whether it’s grabbing a drink at the bar with your mate, or having sex. Grace and Frankie on your sofa and takeaway. Avoid anything that will remind you of what day it is — don’t go on social media and turn any calendars to face the wall.

Rachael Lloyd, eharmony relationship expert, says “it may sound obvious, but the more you share on Valentine’s Day, the more you’ll be affected.” “Skip the love stories, avoid your local Pizza Express and turn off social media for the day to limit your exposure.”

Really get into the puzzles

If you are close enough to ignore the fact that it is the most cursed day in the calendar, then increase your distraction techniques. My best friend Elisha swears by jigsaw puzzles because, she says, “they require your concentration enough to keep you from getting in your head too much, but not so much that you can’t complete the task.” Buy yourself a big bag of Doritos, a bottle of rosé, and a 1,000-piece puzzle and it will keep you entertained, and, worse, distracted for hours on end. Alternatively, you can invite all your single friends over to your house for a game night.

Have my time

Dating and relationship coach Sami Wunder says if you’re single, Valentine’s Day is a great day to celebrate. “First, don’t let all the hype get to you. Decide that it’s going to be a day of self-love,” Wunder said. “So plan my time. Book yourself a massage, or a manicure, or treat yourself to a nice cup of coffee, or put on your favorite outfit and go out to dinner.”

Neves says if Valentine’s Day isn’t exciting for you, “give yourself permission to indulge in whatever floats your boat.” “A long bath maybe? Or have your favorite chocolate. Or put on your favorite movies and a glass of wine?” said Neves.

Keep yourself busy

If you have a day off, one thing is guaranteed to keep you busy doing chores. Go to the gym, clean out your fridge, buy your groceries, do laundry, iron those clothes at the bottom of your ironing pile. In short, stay busy. At the end of the day, you will have a great sense of accomplishment.

Have sex

People in long-term relationships aren’t the only people who have sex on Valentine’s Day. Dr. Ortega suggests you call your best friend and arrange to meet.

“Do you have a friend with benefits to call? Instead of celebrating romantic love, celebrate your sexuality with your FWB,” says Ortega. “Abandon the idea of ​​romantic love and for a time, celebrate the love of sex.”

If you don’t have a FWB, then Neves recommends having an orgasm anyway through solo sex (aka masturbating). “And commit to yourself that you will always have those, not just on Valentine’s Day,” said Neves.

Leave the country

Not forever. Take a break and find a place in everything. If you can afford it, treat yourself to a weekend away at a nice place, or take a trip to visit a friend you haven’t seen in years. About two weeks after this incident, I decided to book an EasyJet flight to Germany to visit my dear friend. It has done me a world of good to get away from it all and have some perspective on the situation. This year, I am returning to Germany to see a mutual friend, and we will be celebrating female friendship rather than romantic love.

Whatever you do on Feb. 14, remember that many people in long-term relationships could not talk about it. It’s just a silly day.

This article was first published in 2019 and republished in 2026.